GOD’S DANDRUFF SNARLS CITY – AGAIN
I have my own little blizzard tale. Pull up a fender, won’t you?
I got a 2011 Jeep Liberty delivered to me Wednesday morning and decided to drive to White Plains, about 2o miles north of Manhattan, that night to check out the vehicle’s 4-wheel drive. On the way there, no problem. It was snowing but I didn’t feel it was a “storm” like the bliz we had last month. There was no one at the New York Sports Club I went to and I blissfully lifted and pushed and grunted solo. Showered and dressed, I did a little grocery shopping, then headed back out on the road at 11:45 PM.
Things had changed. I was in a true storm, the snow blowing sideways, visibility about 25 feet. I set off, expecting to go slowly, but to make it home fine due to the vehicle I was driving.
I came to one of my exits and saw it hadn’t been plowed, so I threw the Jeep into 4-wheel drive, drove over the drifts and onto my entrance ramp, and up I went, no problem. At the entrance’s summit, however, I saw, a little ways up the road, 5 cars completely sideways—stuck. Road blocked.
My only choice, besides sitting there until help arrived—I had no shovel and no gloves, duh—was to drive backwards down the ramp the way I’d come. I’d go slowly, with my flashers on, and if I saw anyone coming behind me, I’d throw it back into gear and drive up the hill again.
The path behind me, of course, was practically invisible, but I made it almost all the way back down the ramp in reverse when I missed a turn and plowed into a drift.
RRR-rrr-rrr. Stuck.
I got out and saw all four wheels surrounded by snow, and the undercarriage packed with the white stuff, too. I used my construction boots to kick away all the snow around each tire, front, side and rear, then freed most of the undercarriage using the same method. Whole thing probably took less than 5 minutes.
Climbed back in, started up and drove off, sweet-as-you-please. Got home and kissed the wife.
Idiot for going out in the storm? Ah, I don’t know. It’s my job to see how these metal beasts do in all kinds of weather. Nobody got hurt, and no one from the county had to rescue my ass. I had the thought that if I had a shovel and tools and sand and stuff, I wouldn’t mind going back out on the highway and finding people who were stranded, like the 5 cars I saw, digging them out and sending ‘em on their way.
Next storm.
Adios!
-Josh Max, Auto Gigolo
